Berline

Today I can honestly say I love me. All of me.
It hasn’t always been that way.  My body hate issue started at an early age around 7-8 years old I overheard my dad tell my mom that the reason the girls in the house could not have seconds or get a big burger when we would go out to eat because he was not raising any fat daughter’s. He wanted them to get married someday

I do remember from that time on I started skipping lunch, going extra hard in gym class, joining the soccer team for 3 years even though I hated it just to be skinny. But I hated everything about life but no one ever knew because I hid it well. I had become a pro at hiding my feelings.

At 14 one day after missing the school bus I was kidnapped and raped by two guys. I eventually jumped out of the moving car. I broke my arm but I was free.

Well from that time on was when I no longer cared about my weight I totally shut down I guess that was ok with everyone seeing as what I had just gone through. But the incident was swept under the rug and never talked about again. The weight quickly started coming on cause I thought fat meant you are ugly and I wanted to be ugly so that would never happen again. By the age of 17, I was a little under 200 pounds and was ok with that because I was like no man want fat girls it had to true because I had heard my dad say that.

In 2015 at 340 pounds my heaviest weight I got really sick and had to have fibroid surgery I was to high risk with having MS, high blood pressure, congestive heart failure the weight was the only thing I could change before surgery so before they would do it they wanted me to lose 50 pounds. Well, I went in hard maybe harder than I should of but I lost the first 60 and had surgery 5 months later.

After surgery and healing, I was obsessed with the weight coming off so I kept going hard and pretty much starving myself to get the weight off and in the meanwhile kept injuring myself.

My outside was looking good after losing over 150 pounds but I was a mess inside. I was obsessed with food and working out. It wasn’t until working with Nichole becoming a Wildly Alive woman. She also taught me how to love and care for my body and encouraged me to go to survivors of sexual abuse counseling. Which is exactly how I can share my story about my inside-out transformation.

Thanks for reading a little part of my story and being a part of my healing.