Last week I shared with you a story about a “BFF” friendship that went sour. It left me feeling completely broken and put so many walls up around my heart.
This is often the case.
We find someone we really connect with.
We go all in.
Then before we know it we’ve been stabbed in the back.
We’re left scratching our heads, devastated, and alone.
After so many times of this happening you just give up on this whole friendship thing, it’s not worth the risk… Plus, life is just too busy now.
I hear ya, sister. I felt the same way for years… but after 5 years of having no friends where I live, I had to be honest with myself.
The mindless eating and drinking were becoming more and more frequent, and as much as I wanted to convince myself that I was satisfied with my bestie phone calls, I wanted more.
I wanted a shoulder to cry on.
I wanted someone to have spontaneous lunch dates.
I wanted someone to go on walks with.
I wanted someone to vent to.
I wanted someone to laugh with.
I wanted someone to mother with.
I wanted someone to hug.
I wanted a soul sister.
But I was so scared. I didn’t want to get hurt like the last times.
I knew what I needed to do.
I needed to have a good, hard look at my past friendships that ended in betrayal so I could heal my very broken, very walled-off heart. Here’s what I did.
Friendship Betrayal — 3 Powerful Steps To Heal a Broken Heart
1. ACCEPT WHAT HAPPENED: Perhaps your friend shared your most guarded secret with somebody else, slept with your partner or stole something from you. No matter what the betrayal, the first step in overcoming it is to accept that it happened.
Acceptance makes it possible to move forward, but it is also often the most challenging step because you don’t want to let it go. You want to fight it. You want to figure out why they did it or how they could be so cruel… As much as it hurts, you want to stay stuck in it.
Acceptance is the first step in setting you free. The sooner you are able to accept that you have been betrayed, the sooner you can begin to heal from the wounds of that experience.
2. WRITE THEM A LETTER: Tell them everything. Let your most hurt self come forward. Let her be overly dramatic, don’t filter. Just keep writing until all the tears and rage have left your body. Then, go into the bathroom, and burn it. Don’t skip this step.
Burning it cuts all energetic ties between you and that person. It says you are ready to move on.
That you are choosing not to let them hurt you anymore.
That you are choosing to not be a victim any longer.
That you are choosing to rise above the situation and become a better person because of them.
And that you are choosing not to let them keep you from making new, positive friends.
FEEL ALL OF THAT as you are watching that piece of paper go up in flames. This step is about taking your power back.
3. FEEL PITY FOR THEM: Truth is if they were able to betray you, a good friend, then they are betraying themselves ten-times worse. They are a broken human who’s moral compass is shattered, most likely from unresolved trauma they are too afraid to look at.They are unable to cope, so they go around hurting others.
Feel pity for them. They are suffering, big time.
And always remember this: Hurt people hurt people.
I’m sorry you were the person who was on the receiving end of that, but you have to understand that this isn’t about you. It’s about them. Feeling pity for them will get you closer to finding forgiveness in your heart.
Forgiveness is not about saying what they did was right, it’s about setting YOU free from the pain that has been weighing you down and holding you back for years.
These are the exact steps I did to find the courage to put myself “back on the social market” feeling strong, confident and hopeful.
In a future email, I’ll be sharing with you my step-by-step guide on how to find your soul sisters, but this step in healing cannot be skipped. Failure to do this will set you up for failure. You’ll try to put yourself out there but you’ll be so fragile you’ll give up.
Don’t resist this. You are more lonely than you think. Let go of the denial and accept it.
Put on your big girl panties and write that damn letter. Then burn that bitch.
You deserve to be free of this pain.
I love you,
Nichole
PS: If you’re ready to make a big step forward in the soul sister direction, check out the Wildly Alive Sisterhood Retreat. But you don’t have to take it from me, let these ladies tell you how much love, sisterhood, and safety they felt. WildlyAlive.com/retreat
