I used to be the woman who thought she could take on the world. I wanted to have it all and do it all.
Ya know, have a million-dollar business, change lives, travel all over the world, go on lots of adventures, live a healthy and fit lifestyle, and have a big family.
I dreamed a big dream, and I was determined as hell to make it my reality.
Then, I got pregnant… and everything changed.
I was so obsessed with having a good pregnancy and a perfect birth (yeah right!) that I started to lose this very magical part of myself. I was trying to control the outcome #controlfreak.
Then, when Wyatt was about four months old, Zac (my hubs) said something to me that shook me to my core.
At the time, I was floundering in motherhood. I could barely catch my breath, as I was trying to figure out how to run my business with this new person attached to me, run a household, and I was stressed beyond belief about money and potentially losing our new dream home.
Oh, and my self-care was non-existent!
I remember we were sitting on the couch during Zac’s lunch hour. As I listened to him go on about his great day at work I was seething with jealousy.
He was freshly showered, nicely dressed and obviously more rested than I was.
I was still in my PJ’s, had black circles under my eyes, reeked of B.O. and breast milk, and I hadn’t showered in a few days.
“UGH!” I thought to myself. “HE gets to leave… For hours at a time! HE gets a break! And I’m stuck at home tending to our child non-freaking-stop!!!”
My independence (that I loved SO dearly) was ripped out from under me, and I was feeling it.
While sitting on the couch that afternoon, I told him how I couldn’t do this anymore. We needed to find consistent childcare so I could work…
My business was slipping — quickly.
“Soon we won’t have a house to live in if we don’t find a sitter!!!” I jabbed at him as if it was his fault… Which it wasn’t.
Then, he looked at me with such a sad look in his eyes and said, “What happened to my wife who said she was going to conquer the world and let nothing stop her?”
Oh man. That just pissed me off.
“I don’t know! And right now I don’t care. Somethings gotta change Zac!” I said as I stormed off.
At the time I got pissed. But in reality, I was hurt… but not by Zac. It hurt because it was painstakingly accurate.
He made me realize how my dreams had literally disappeared.
They were no longer something I strived for. Shit, they weren’t even a figment of my imagination! They didn’t exist in any form.
It was shocking. But at the same time, I didn’t have time to worry about that. I was in pure survival mode.
I mean, putting on a fresh pair of clothes was a major success at that point in my life.
It wasn’t until January of this year that this conversation came back to me. Over a year and a half later — that’s how long it took me to start feeling like MYSELF again.
I realize how I stopped dreaming once I became a mother… and it made me so sad.
Sad for myself and sad for every other woman out there that once stopped dreaming, too. Which I knew was a lot.
Hey — if my head-in-the-clouds-reach-for-the-stars ass could lose it, anyone could!
In this society, we’re taught that it’s a woman’s job to take care of other people. Mother or not. Your needs come last, let alone your dreams!
If you too are feeling totally burnt out and haven’t thought about anything further than the next birthday party, listen up!
Here are 3 ways I bounced back from Mom burnout so I could take care of my body again.
#1 – Take a stroll down memory lane and connect with the you before children.
The reason why you’re polishing off the pan of brownies at night with your bottle of vino is because you’ve lost your sense of self. So think back…
What did you do? Who did you hang out with? What did you dream about? What brought joy into your life? Then, you guessed it, priorities some of these things back into your life.
For me, this meant sisterhood time. I organized monthly “Moon Circles” with a few ladies where we eat, connect, and sometimes do something crafty or witchy! This one thing took my emotional state of being up 5 notches!
#2 – Schedule a date with yourself 1x a week.
You’re starting to see a theme here, huh? Again, to get back to feeling normal and eventually GOOD is by slowing the f*ck down sister.
If you have 20 minutes of uninterrupted time and you were able to pipe down the chatter in the back of your head telling you you need to catch up on laundry, what would you do?
I love to get out into nature with my journal. Sometimes I only have time for a 10 min walk so I leave my phone at home and soak in every tree, breeze on my face and bird chirp. If I have more time I have my journal and write what’s on my mind for a few minutes.
And if I’m really short on time I make the shower or commute as “me time.” I listen to relaxing whimsical music, focus on my breath and let the solo moment fill me up. In my group coaching program “Embrace & Reshape” we call these “5-Minute-Fill-Ups.” They are a game-changer!
#3 – Prioritize sleep like your life depended on it (becuase it does!).
I KNOW how real the temptation is to “shut off your brain” and get lost in a screen, but you need to put a limit on it so you can get 7-9 hours of sleep.
What I tell my clients is set an alarm an hour before your ideal bedtime that invokes a feeling, not “Hey! Go to bed!” Yelling at yourself doesn’t work or you’d be in bed already. Instead make it say something like, “Going to bed soon means more energy and confidence tomorrow!”
If you’re anything like me energy and confidence hold a ton of value so it would help me shut down my phone, wash my face and wind down with a book instead.
These things aren’t revolutionary but they work. Once I got back to these three things I felt tons better which resulted in me moving my body more and eating foods that love me back.
You deserve it.
Xo,
Nichole